Rodney Dangerfield (1921 - 2004)

'No Respect' Comic Rodney Dangerfield Dies

Dangerfield died Tuesday of complications from heart surgery.

I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.

A girl phoned me the other day and said "Come on over, there's nobody home." I went over. Nobody was home.

I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet.

I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.

Life is just a bowl of pits.

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.

My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told me to put the garbage out. I said to her I already did. She told me to go and keep an eye on it.

My wife's jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was.

When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.

"I tell ya I get no respect from anyone. I bought a cemetery plot. The guy said, 'There goes the neighborhood!"'

"When I was born, I was so ugly that the doctor slapped my mother."

"When I started in show business, I played one club that was so far out, my act was reviewed in Field and Stream."

"Every time I get in an elevator, the operator says the same thing to me: `Basement?"'

"When my parents got divorced, there was a custody fight over me. ... and no one showed up."

"When I was 3 years old, my parents got a dog. I was jealous of the dog, so they got rid of me."

When we got married, the first thing my wife did was put everything under both names - hers and her mother's."

"With my wife, I don't get no respect. The other night there was a knock on the front door. My wife told me to hide in the closet."

"With my wife, I get no respect. I fell asleep with a cigarette in my hand. She lit it."